Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Obstruction of Fear

Fear and Viewpoint 2.5x 3.5" ©
I don't know if you have ever felt as if you were not true to yourself, or presenting the real you because of fear. In the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about how my fear changes the way I act.

It has been so frustrating for me. I want to show others who I am from what I see myself as, but my fear gets in the way. I get jumpy, and the nerves take control. I second guess what I say, laugh at things I normally wouldn't, and lastly become over animated with everything. I feel like this anxiety is like a wall from authenticity, a wall from my soul.

I painted this image of the tufted titmouse as an example of this struggle in me. I thought this bird was fitting after watching it in the yard, and reading about it out of my Birds of Iowa book. This little bird is almost never found with others of its kind outside of mating season. I watched it flitter here and there with a group of sparrows, tossing seed in the air. I think that it is interesting how these little birds never seem to be found in groups of their own. I thought about my fear and how I feel that it isolates and keeps me from being apart of a group, flying solo for the most part. Then I added the brick as a symbol of the fear that is present surrounding certain situations in my life. I have the choice in how I react to the wall, thus the bird having the view of the wall and away.

It helped me just to get the ideas out. I reflected more on a current situation and how I could find a way to calm my soul, reach out and trust, set a boundary for safety, and be confidently me. I settled on seeking grace to move forward in prayer, giving me the courage and the strength to go back and try again. I sat on the truth of being loved by my Creator and Savior no matter what human opinion and opposition I face. I resolved to keep what is so raw and fragile to Jesus and my truest allied friends, those who know my heart so well. I kept this little card with me as I went onward as a reminder when I needed some strength, or was tempted to run backwards. There it was bringing me back, grounding my heart once again.

"The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul."
Psalm 19:7
Another good one to check out is Isaiah 52:1


  1. I absolutely love it!! LOVE your painting! The bricks are really powerful -- and the bird choice and the fact that it can look at the wall or the other way! Ah Jesus speaks through your heart and your art sooo much, Carli! Thank you so much for expressing who you are and being so inspiring! Love you so muchas!!!

  2. Love the painting! So, so glad to be participating in Flying Lessons with so many remarkable and talented women like yourself! ~ Seasons of Grace & Wisdom

  3. This is so moving! The colors, the meanings, the shapes of your birds...wonderful!

  4. Hi Carliann,

    I loved this little guy since I first received in the mail accompanied by your beautiful note and now I love and appreciate him even more thinking he has found a wonderful home. I think your tuft titmouse has a beautiful meaning and am so glad you chose to send him to me because I think that is his calling - and he is much needed in this house right now. I have been trying to figure out a way to word and well just write my next blog post and yours and your tuft titmouse will be there to give me the strength to do so - so I was wondering if I may share him and his meaning with everyone as well as a link to your blog so everyone can see your other amazing work and the story behind this little guy?

    Thank you again Carliann, I truly feel honored to have him and am glad I was finally able to get some quiet time to savor your words,
    Cassidy - your flying sister

  5. Cassidy,
    You can for sure put it up on your blog as long as you link back to me! I am so happy you are enjoying him and that he is right where he needs to be!
    Sending Blessings your way.
    - Carliann

  6. I think it's wonderful how you found meaning in creating this ATC! Your very inspiring. I usually just make them without thinking too much, but it's more meaningful this way and you let out some anxiety and found support. Awesome! I like your blog :)