Another Little Step

 This is the finished Vulnerable © 2012

Wow it has been a bit of a doozey of a week! Things have been crazy at school with auditions for ensemble placements. But it is over now so I feel like I have some time to breath and share with you.

I finished this work early in the week Sunday night or Monday, I can't quiet remember. I am still working on taking photos of my art. So I know this isn't the best photo. It is hard to see the blues, pinks, silver, and gold paint in the wing. I will get there though, I promise. Just one step at a time.

I was inspired by Flying Lessons ecourse to do this work. the community of women is so encouraging and inspiring! I started out by making a promise to myself that I would be faithful to paint a little bit every week. As I spent time painting last week I really did feel a marked change. I just seemed to have more joy and energy to do my everyday tasks.  The main inspiration though is how in my art I feel like my heart is exposed. I need to release my emotions and thoughts in a tangible way even if I don't have the words in the moment. Starting this blog and sharing the meanings behind my art and my poetry is quiet a vulnerable place for me to be. I am putting my heart out and open to the world. I often don't share them with really anyone so this blog is such a massive step out into the open!

So here goes! This painting is me opening my wings to fly. Revealing the inside of my wing and sharing what feels uncomfortable so I can rise to new heights. I am dyslexic as well so writing publicly has always been a scary thing. I am thankful for the compassion here though as I start this journey. Thanks for joining me!

"Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, 
I will not be disgraced.
Therefore, I have set my face like a stone,
determined to do his will.
And I know that I will not be put to shame."
Isaiah 50:7

Together

Martha's Vineyard 2010

The army of the Lord stands in
worship to their Creator.
The army of the Lord stands in
prayer.
The army of the Lord stands not in
their own power, not in their own strength.
The army of the Lord calls out
to their Savior for rescue.
Catching the grace they need
to do the battle.
Catching the peace they need
to see the hope.

I wrote this poem a few weeks ago during worship at church.  Sometimes it is hard for me to know that the body of Christ is an essential and meaningful part of growing and knowing Jesus more. I know that it is easy for me to get caught up in the imperfections and the ways we hurt each other and just want to retreat from it all. that day in worship God really placed this image before me as I sat and everyone else was standing around me. In that moment I was so weak and fragile, feeling the hurt and the lies of the past, alongside the hurt from the world around me. In that moment I felt as though my eyes were momentarily opened to how the body of Christ is meant to function. I felt as though I saw others standing up and moving forward for those who needed rest. Bringing those who were wounded up to safety. Reaching out to Jesus for help and rejuvenation to continue forward.

I so often get caught up in all that is going on in the moment that I cannot see Jesus calling me towards Him. I get caught in fear and anger trying to protect myself, and make sense of it on my own. I think this photo captures a bit of the fog rolling away to see Jesus providing in that moment as well. As is push through to healing and the safety God has provided I try to remember this and look back when I am scared out of my mind to let someone in. Or when I move forward to even do simple things against the norm what I feel called to do; kneel or sit when everyone is standing, not hold back the tears, work in my art journal in stead of taking sermon notes, etc. It is so easy for me to get caught back into conformity and not move forward into the uncomfortabilty of freedom!

Romans 12:4-5

Flying

Today I thought I would share with you why I paint mainly birds.To me birds are a symbol of freedom and joy. After being in a suppressive church for two years I have known the stifling cage of conformity and loneliness. God has given me a newfound understanding of what true freedom is. In my works I try to portray the vibrancy of seeking his freedom, and the beauty of His creation. With this I generally do not paint eyes on the birds because I think of that as the place you can see the breath of life in something. I want to leave that for the Almighty, and this is a way that I like to show my humanity.

© 2012

The work to the right is one of my favorite works and I don't think that I could ever sell the original. It is just too close to my heart. I started painting this when I was in the process of leaving the church. I was in such turmoil over leaving, knowing that I would lose all of my closest friends if I chose to leave. I was fighting hard against what I felt God calling me to. I began by paining the blues and yellows rubbing hard against the canvas. As I rubbed some of the paint rubbed off creating a beautiful landscape.  Next I painted the red which symbolizes the pain and tears of that time. After this I waited several months before I felt God calling me back to this work and what He wanted me to paint. Then it came once I found some peace in where he was calling me. I painted the dove symbolizing the Holy Spirit and His presence with me through it all, and the same hope that was given to Noah all those years after the storm. I know it might be hard to see in this photo but I used gold paint around the dove that is over top of the red paint showing its power over the storm.

" I will say to the prisioners, 'Come out in freedom,' and to those in darkness, 'Come into the light.' they will be sheep, grazing in green pastures and on hills that were previously bare."
Isaiah 49:9 NLT

I would love it if you would be willing to share how God has called you into living in freedom and something that you keep to remind you of that freedom.

A bit about Me & the Blog

I realized yesterday that I did not share my purpose for starting this blog or really anything about myself. So here goes....

First off I should tell you a bit about myself. I am a senior music education major in my last semester before student teaching. I live at home and commute to school for the most part living with my parents and two fluffy puppies, whom I love. Most importantly I love Jesus. I paint and write poetry to release who I am and how I feel/see the world. and myself. By no means am I perfect and I struggle a lot to be the woman I want to be. I am a recovering from church hurts, and searching for grace and truth about what it means to live in the Body of Christ and be an individual. I want to live my life running after Him no matter what others say. My goal is to follow Him and no one else. (Again not perfect at this, I tend to learn things the hard way!) I think that is me in a nutshell.

This is a piece I am currently working on titled Vulnerable © 2012

So why did I start this blog? I started this blog to share my heart and struggles with others in a meaningful and impactful way that show my REAL life in love with Jesus. I want to share with others that living for Christ is a messy thing and maybe help others and myself know that we aren't alone in this. I titled my blog Carliann Reviewed because I see this as a place to take some time and review what life has placed before me. You can expect to find paintings, poetry, and questions here.

The Beginning

Hello Everyone,

American Goldfinch © 2012

This feels crazy starting this blog. I am struggling to know what to write here. My inspiration for starting this blog comes from taking a ecourse from Kelly Rea Roberts called flying lessons. I am excited about taking this course and it has been providing me with some of the courage and instruction on how to live my artistic dreams!
I am excited to see where this class will take me along with this blogg. I have so many things going on right now in my life it seems somewhat crazy to start this blogg, taking an extra course, and finishing up my last semester before student teaching! I think though if I didn't do it all now I would just keep putting it off. Besides it is the last time the course is offered.
 I have also been finding that this semester at school I struggle finding joy and grace without making time to worship through art. It seems that Jesus has instilled a new desire in me over the summer to be a co-creator with Him. Such a desire that to keep from it leaves me running dry and the world feeling grey.
Well I think that is it for now. Off and running!