Forward into Community

Here is the finished painting I started during finals week, before Christmas. As I said in the previous post about this painting my original intent was to portray the promise that we are never alone throughout any stage in our lives. That God places people in our lives to walk alongside us through every season whether we see them or not at the time. Placing my trust in Him rather than the fears I have about what is to come.

"For I hold you by your right hand - I, the LORD your God. And I say to you,'Don't be afraid. I am here to help you."
Isaiah 41:13

 Though as the last few months have gone by I think God had other plans for what He wanted me to understand about this work which center around.... community. The last few years have been a struggle for me to understand the importance of community and fellowship with other believers. It has been hard for me to trust that other believers will help me to better understand the character of God, and provide support and love that bring about encouragement in faith. But Christ has just begun to chissel away at my fear and hurt in this area, slowly pulling away the barriers around my heart, and providing me with His protection.

"The heartfelt counsil of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense."
Proverbs 27:9 NLT

"As iorn sharpens iorn, so a friend sharpens a friend."
Proverbs 27:17 NLT

"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will recieve mercy."
Proverbs 28:13 NLT

So I want to take a minute and thank freinds and family for their grace, patience, and support.Without you there is so much I would never have learned about myself and about Jesus. I am unbelievably thankful for your prayers and the battle we have done together. This one goes out to you, the greatest of blessings!

All my love,
Carliann

Flying Forward 12x12" © 2013

"His Eye is on the Sparrow"

"His Eye is on the Sparrow" 2.5x3.5" © 2013

This small ATC is a test run for a larger painting that a friend is asking me to paint for a prayer room in her house of eight college girls. As I was thought about my friend’s request I was thinking about what I wanted them to know and see as they go to pray in this room. All I could think of is that Jesus loves, cares, and wants to speak freedom into their lives. Understanding these women I knew that the piece also needed scriptural backing. The first thing that popped in my head was the hymn His Eye is on the Sparrow, and the New Testament verses about the God watching over sparrows. 

I also decided I wanted to have the bird flying as an expression of god wanting them to live to their potential and take risks for Him. Knowing that He will ultimately pick them up and be there for them no matter what happens. 

For the larger painting I think I will do several sparrows in many different positions, to show the different places in our walk with Christ. I have really enjoyed this little painting and have had quiet an ordeal with him. I almost threw out the whole thing and started over many times. I made mistake after mistake on this tiny portrait, which i think brings out the meaning even more. Each time I wanted to give up God gave me another chance to make him more beautiful, and with greater depth than I had planned. I want to leave you with the lyrics to the hymn and the verses that fuel the meaning and inspiration of this piece.

"I long yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the LORD. With my whole being, body and soul, will shout joyfully to the living God. Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near your alter, O LORD of Heaven's Armies, my King and my God!"

Psalm 84: 3-4 NLT

"What is the price of two sparrows- one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without the Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are much more valuable to God that a whole flock of sparrows."

Matthew 10:29-31 NLT

 His Eye is on the Sparrow - Hymn

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,

When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,

And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Christmas hiatus

© 2012

I am sorry I have been neglecting you so much lately but life just seems to be getting in the way lately with little to no prep time. I have just been oober busy getting Christmas gifts ready. Which is the picture shown here of a tenor saxophone I did for my uncle who is also a saxophonist. His bachelor pad needed some more decoration he said. This painting has taken me a lot longer than most of my paintings do with such intricate detail, I probably spent close to 15 or 20 hours on it! Then the day after Christmas I was scheduled for a wisdom teeth consultation that was scheduled just on Christmas Eve. Then I promptly had them removed on the 27th and have been recovering slowly. Well I just thought I would share this latest painting, and let you know I. Haven't disappeared.

Flying Forward

Just thought I would share quickly what I have been working on. This is the unfinished painting I just started last week that represents the change from student to teacher that is beginning as I just finished my last week of finals ever!

Self Portrait

I though I would share a painting I did at the beginning of this year as the year closes. Besides I have been so busy lately with the end of the semester that I haven't had a lot of time to paint. Thus I am pulling out something I did awhile ago that I haven't shared yet.

Self Portrait © 2012

My original plan for this piece was to take many photos of myself and paint them one on top of the other until I made it to this last and most current photo, as a way to see my self through time, like a life map of sorts. I made many life maps during November through March. Somehow I didn't happen though. I think God knew I needed to see me in the now more at that moment. I needed to figure out who the new me was shaping out to be. He knew I could see who I was in the past but the current and the future were to hard for me to handle.

I don't know about you but I hate photos of my self, so it was a challenge to find one that I would be okay using. The photos I do like of myself aren't always the ones others would necessarily choose as characteristic of me either, but I guess that is what makes it a self-portrait. This photo was from a friend's wedding I attended in October of 2011. In the photo I was watching from behind in the crowd peering behind two bridesmaids. This pose is reminiscent of the purpose of the painting to give myself a look at who I am.

The twiggy stems represent the new growth of learning to set boundaries with others, after reading Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, along with a lot of other adaptations to the change. But the sycamore leaves represent the inner strength to move forward and the promise of more strength to come. At my college by the administration building there is a huge sycamore tree that I have fallen in love with that first came to mind when I started this work. I love how the tree has patches of exposed bark and battle scars from years gone by, that give it such visual interest.

My life was so raw then. So much had changed, and was still changing rapidly. I think of the second verse from Sara Grove's Rewrite this Tragedy:
"Sometimes it's hard to tell what to keep and what to kill
What of this makes us who we are
All that we love the most, all that we cannot let go
How much of change can we survive?"
I needed a way to see myself. To know that there was some constant, something to hold onto. I was changing and everything around me was simultaneously. I want to end by asking if you have ever struggle seeing who you are, and how you have coped with it?
Blessings,
Carliann

Flying Music

I have been so busy lately finishing up my semester. Last week I had my senior saxophone recital. It has been something that I have been looking forward to for a long time. I have been working so hard for it for so long now it seems strange that it is over now.

This painting I started the day of my recital as a way to keep myself focused and keep the nerves at bay. The bird in this painting is a yellow warbler, a song bird. I chose this bird to represent me a musician. Singing my heart out as it was created to do. I associated the word warbler with shaking which reminds me of nerves. I like this association because naturally I am a very anxious person. I have struggled with performance anxiety sense almost the moment I began playing the saxophone. This year has marked the beginning of me being able to manage my fear and rest it in Gods arms.

I chose the aspen leaves in the background because I have always loved the sound they make in the wind. As I painted I thought of the Holy Spirit is often manifested as wind in the Bible. I wanted to think of the Holy Spirit moving through me to show His grace as I played, and that He would provide me the strength, creating something beautiful for His glory.

Shame Covering

Shame Covering © 2012 2.5x3.5"

I can't seem to feel your touch,

as I close each opening door.

I can't seem to hear your voice,

as I choose to overhear.

I can't seem to find you,

As I run the other way. 

 This is a poem I wrote recently. As of recent I have been finding myself caught in the grasp of fear and self-condemnation. Soemtimes as I go to perform a peice the voice in my head echos "don't look like an idiot, or just don't embarris youself.." Then I get angry with myself and heap on more fuel to the fire of shaming myself. 

I painted this starling to represent this cycle in me. I have always found it perplexing that these dirty black birds are called starlings. Maybe someone can clue me into the reason...  When I condem myself I feel flithy and my mood becomes black. I kept the details on the bird very muted to represent the feeling of filth from my own negative self-talk. 

Now that I have had some time to process away from some of my busy routine. I have been thinking a lot about where I am looking for help and how I am viewing my behaviors when I find myself in this place. This is where the poem comes in. Sometimes after I find myself running in this direction I know I haven't asked Jesus for help, and I haven't sought prayer from those who love me. I am ashamed of my weakness, and forget they already know I am flawed. I run away as they did in the garden. I fear My Creator's response. I forget to be humble, lost in pride, and to see my brokeness. God sees me and knows my needs. He sent His Son to take my sins. He knows I am a star with His power and grace. If I only look to Him and ask for the mecy I so desperatly need. If I listen to His voice about who I am and not choose the voice of the world. 

Isaiah 58