Pretending Mask

In the last two weeks I have had more time than I have had in months! A shocking sign of summer. I miss the hustle-bustel of school and events, moving and whirling through life. It seems easier to know my purpose and direction when there is always something to do.Then summer comes and all the exterior doing comes to a halt, this summer more than others it seems.

I have time to rest and think, to reflect more deeply, and it seems that I resist the blessing. God always has something to show me, but I am stubborn. I have been making an effort to enjoy and know I am not a human doing but a human being, that this Summer season often reminds me.

As I have reflected I have noticed the pretending mask has found its way out of the closet and onto my face in weaponry station. I've brought it up to guard myself from the shame of the past, and to help me to hide from the truth that there is still work to be done here.

My mask shows the brilliant colors of healing, works, and wonderful chameleon techniques. It boasts in rebellion, and laughs at lies. It pleases and proves itself to onlookers. Protecting the owner from seeing the shame, hurt, lies, and defeat of the present and past.

Now that I see the mask I can take it down and look around a bit. I am letting God in to help sift through the lies that have caused my eyes to be blinded from the difference between legalism and natural fuits of the Spirit, and reading the Bible on a regualr basis because of my love for Him and a genuine heart to grow, not because it is what a "good Christian" does. The lines are still blurry for me but I am beginning to see.

I want to be honest about where I am in my walk of Faith, and not feel ashamed of who I am. I want to know acceptance and patientce from the Church. I want to be secure in not having it all together.

One more step into living a life of courage.